Prayer and following what works
One of the most difficult times for me spiritually was the first year of my babies’ lives. While the baby period comes with many wonderful moments, it has always been a desert time for my soul. It’s a time where I find it very hard to feel God’s presence in my life or to see the divine in everyday life. I suspect it has to do with sleep deprivation and not having all my basic needs met. I am not great at praying to begin with, but during the baby period, I find it especially difficult to communicate with God.
Recently, I have been trying to learn more about prayer and reconnecting with God. I have tried again and again to include a centering prayer practice in my life, but I keep failing to be consistent with sitting down and doing the Christian meditation practice. All the meditation books say if you try and fail at meditation the solution is just to meditate more, but I was tired of feeling like I was banging my head against the wall. I decided to take a different tact.
In Mel Robbins’ books about life coaching for people looking to make life changes, she encourages people to make a small step in an interesting direction and then feel what brings you energy. For your next step, follow the energy. I decided that instead of doing the prayer that I thought I should be doing, I would try to follow what worked for me best.
I thought back to other times in my life when I felt a deeper prayer life and connection with God. I have never had a wonderful prayer life, but when I was younger, I had a deeper sense that God was with me. I had a better sense of communicating with God. I thought through what types of practices worked best for me to connect with God and made a list:
- Hymns from my childhood church
- Praying with visualization and images
- Writing letters to God in a journal
- Making lists of things I am grateful for or people who I am praying for
Moving forward, I have begun praying the Daily Examen
in the evenings and writing prayers in my journal each morning. The Daily Examen practice I am trying follows these five steps:
Step 1- Feel yourself in the presence of God
Step 2 – Remember back through the day with gratitude
Step 3 – Examine emotions throughout the day
Step 4 – Select one incident from today and pray about it.
Step 5- Pray about tomorrow
When I feel God’s presence in Step one, I can feel the benefits of meditation, but the structured steps keep my mind busier so that it’s not so much of a struggle for me. I also like that it includes a gratitude practice. I am hoping that this prayer habit is one that I can keep in my life over time to help rebuild my connection with the divine.
Do you struggle with your regular spiritual practice? Can you look back at what has worked best for you in the past and see if you can “follow the energy?”
